The Authoritarian
by CelticFlame
Summary: A group of characters is gathered together to dicuss trends in fanfiction and critique examples. A great sense of humor is a must when reading this fic!


the authoritarian

Hi there!  
This is just a little jump into something quite different for me and a journey into lighthearted humor for a short while. While generalized examples will be used to illustrate some of the trends in HP fanfiction, all fanfic passages are written by my editor and I and are over exaggerated on purpose.

If you'd like for the group to cover any other trends in fanfiction please list them to me in you replies.

Remember, your replies are loved and cherished J In addition to that, they'll feed my muse, Padfoot. He's on a hunger strike because he thinks I'm not writing enough. Your replies will help me to feed him! Feed Padfoot today and help me put some meat on his bones!

Thanks for reading!

Bree 

The author sat at her computer reading a constant stream of Harry Potter fanfiction. While some stories were excellent, some to put it bluntly weren't.

After many hours and reddened eyes, the author had a brainstorm. She used her own particular brand of magic to summon a panel of characters from the books. Soon, Harry, Hermione, Ron, Draco, Severus, Sirius and Remus sat before her.

"What do you want?" Hermione asked quietly. She was wearing her night robes and shivered slightly in the October chill. 

"Are you cold?" The author inquired gently. Hermione could just nod and stare in shock while the author waved her fingers over what she quickly ascertained was a keyboard. Presently Hermione was wearing Muggle clothing, a sweater, some leggings and thick warm socks.

"Th-thank you." She whispered.

Sirius looked from the author to Hermione. He was faced with a magic that he neither knew nor understood. "Why are you holding us?" He asked slowly, fumbling for his wand.

With the rapid-fire clack of keys, all of their wands disappeared. "How did you do that?" Ron asked in shock.

The author gave him a friendly smile. "I have a magic that you cannot even begin to understand. I can create and remove things from your lives. I can even create and remove you from this place. Don't you wonder how you got here?"

The younger people nodded, while Sirius and Remus conferred with each other quietly. "You two, enough! Pay attention!" She called out. When they didn't respond to her immediately she struck the keys again and both men suddenly had tape over their mouths. Remus reached up intending to pull the sticky substance off, but the author shook her head. "No I don't think so. That will hurt far too much. Are you ready to be quiet and listen to me?" Remus nodded reluctantly.

"All right then." She typed again and the pieces of tape disappeared. The author looked all of them over carefully before continuing. "All of you have been chosen for a very special task. If you are ready to listen I will tell you all about it."

Silence reigned as her charges tried to grasp her motives. 

"I have chosen you to help me with a special task. I want you to read passages about yourselves and tell me what comes to mind."

"So, you want us to be glorified…reading….critics?" Remus drew out each word, infusing each one with a tone of disbelief.

"Not quite." The author gave him an appraising look. "JKR doesn't do you justice, honey. You're almost as much of a hunk as Black."

"Hunk?" Remus and Sirius chorused in unison.

"Don't get caught up in the details. These stories are about you guys, and I need you to tell me if they make sense of not and what you think of them. Now, I'm not normally mean, though I do enjoy a healthy dose of angst. Do any of you need anything, warmer clothes maybe? Would you like anything to eat or drink?"

"Some blankets would be nice." Harry said tentatively.

"And some chocolate frogs and butterbeer." Ron added a little more enthusiastically.

"I could use some ale." Sirius muttered. He didn't like the speculative way the woman was eyeing he and Remus.

"Why don't you bring us a small feast." Remus suggested.

"I can do that." The author began tapping the keys again. Now, what would you like to start with Bad characterization or Mary Sues? Those are my first two examples. I really don't think it's a good idea to start with slash."

"Slash?" Draco asked.

"Later Draco. We'll warm you up with Mary Sue's or bad characterization first. What do you say folks?"

The author waited patiently, striking keys every few minutes.

"We'll do Mary Sue whatever that is." Remus announced.

"Mary Sues it is then." The author struck a final key with a flourish and suddenly her guests were seated on a comfortably huge sectional sofa that dominated her living room. Low tables heaped with food sat in front of them, while comfortable blankets and throw pillows were piled around them and on the floor. 

"As soon as you have settled, I'll ask you to direct your attention to the screen against the wall."


End file.
